Monday, January 8, 2018

Whoppers and Doozies

I was chatting with some friends tonight at the coffee shop about some realizations we've had in our "old homeschool mom" age.

When our children are young, we are told that we are raising sinners. We shake our heads and think oh yes, we know that.

No, we don't. Not really.

We don't have any clue, at that time, that we truly are raising humans that are gonna choose sin sometimes. Ohhhhh, noooooo...I'm not talking the hitting, throwing tantrums, calling you names, and screaming at you stuff. Yeah, we know that stuff will probably happen a time or two or ten thousand. We are prepared to endure that mess.

No, sister, I mean the whoppers...the doozies...the grand things that you don't even give thought to that your little precious will do! Those things that will throw you for some of the biggest loops of your life!

For real... it's like we are so disillusioned to think that if we give them more and better information than we had, then they will make all the best and right choices.

It's a sweet dream. It's an admirable pursuit. But, it rarely, if ever, happens. I mean, seriously. I have now watched a number of kids grow up. Very few haven't participated in crazy stuff at some point and left a trail of astonishment behind (or their parents have no idea yet because their kids are Sneakies...and those are the real scary ones!!!!!!).

running away...moving out...trying drugs...drinking alcohol...smoking...nearly catching themselves on fire...coming home married...theft...sex...pornography...cutting...pot...suicide attempts...reckless driving...ugh

What happened? We did this parenting thing differently! We read the blogs! We watched videos! WE DROVE TO CONFERENCES!

Especially us homeschool moms. I mean we gave up stuff to stay home with these little stinky treasures. We were there to correct their behavior and mold their character into fine, upstanding, productive members of society who wouldn't...who wouldn't...

What??? Who wouldn't sin???

Yes, it is ridiculous when you put it like that. But, you would be amazed at how many sweet, unsuspecting homeschool moms really, truly live in this Land of Denial or Valley of Illusion. That was me for a while. 

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer if you are a young homeschool momma reading this. But, it's in your best interest that I play Realistic Rhonda for a minute and make sure you really, really get this.

You need to know that all of your best efforts and well-laid plans will pay off someday, so stay the course, BUT you most likely are gonna get a few curveballs thrown at ya girl!

Truth is, your little angels are cute, but they are people. They will have their own stubborn wills and curious minds. I know you think you know, but you haven't seen anything yet. You are likely to have at least one experience that hits you in the face like a board flying out of a cyclone! I'm not trying to scare you. I just want you to know the truth so you can be ready. I want you to remember reading this and be able to stand strong when the wind blows.

I refused to have rebellious teenaged boys, and I am thankful for the most part I don't. We have a good relationship, and they tell me more than I feel I can handle about themselves on a regular basis. They don't mind hanging out with me too terribly much. They are actually quite kind and sweet to me. But, they have had some moments...some big ole, slap-ya-gramma, I-can't-believe-they-did-that-I might-kill-em-they-act-just-like-their-dad moments! (hahahahahahahaha!!!!)

I would've told the younger me to be ready, but relax. Don't freak when you find this stuff out. Stay calm and mom on. Don't jump to the worst possible conclusions. They likely won't be felons, drug addicts, or pyromaniacs! You will be tempted to react by putting them on lockdown. You'll want to box them into your protective bubble by taking everything away and keeping everyone out. 

Listen, DON'T DO THAT. Don't be that crazy homeschool mom lady. (Really, don't because you make the rest of us look like wackos!) 

Yes, you might have to set some intelligent boundaries for Mr. Impulsive's not-yet-developed-frontal cortex (that may take until 26 by the way...it's okay...breathe), but he's gonna be alright. 

How do I know? Well, just look over at the dude there in bed beside you who's making that horrid noise through his nostrils. 

Go ahead. Do it. 

Now see, he's okay, right??? (Note...if you don't have one, I'll let you think of mine and trust me when I offer him up as Exibit A, that there was some serious questioning time as to whether he would be alright!)

This is where the rubber meets Parenting Road. This is where you've gotta believe that the good seeds you sowed into that sweet little soil will produce fruit. You've gotta turn that urge to yell into a song of life over your child. This time, more than any other, is when they need to hear you say, "I love you. No matter what you do, I love you." Chances are, in their heart, they know what they did was wrong, and they probably aren't too proud of themselves. Don't speak to their sin...speak to their potential. They will believe what they hear you say, even, and maybe especially, when you don't think they are listening. Speak life! And keep speaking life. Call them back to their rightful place. Don't help the enemy isolate them in shame.

Next time, I'll share my theory on why we mommas tend to freak!